Ben and Liam grooving before their Holiday Concert
Two events over the holidays had significant positive effects on our twin boys. One was a holiday concert performance in which the boys played in the beginner violin section. The other was an impromptu violin recital the boys gave to our extended family on Christmas Eve.
Liam and Ben during their mini-recital on Christmas Eve
Both events were great successes and earned them an enormous number of brownie points–especially with my mother-in-law. The boys could appreciate their new, slightly-elevated status after these performances and liked what they saw. Since then, it has become much easier to get them to practice violin.
They both started beginner violin in the Fall when they joined the admirable West Hamilton Strings programme. This is a mass experiment in teaching hundreds of ordinary school kids in the public school system to play stringed instruments. Hats off to their talented and committed teacher Jennifer Spleit.
With these music lessons they had no idea what they had agreed to do before it too late. They didn’t know that the turnstiles into violin lessons work only in one direction (for the first year at least). Their situation reminded me of ads for the Roach Motel: ‘Kids can check in, but they can’t check out!’
The first few orchestra practices were absolute misery for all concerned. Their revulsion at the demands of violin was total. Their conception that this little wooden instrument would take years and years of dedicated practice before they could begin to master it was completely lacking. For them, it was all too absurd to even consider.
They used the most forceful language to express their displeasure, including:
‘We signed up for violin only because we thought it would please you and we thought you would get mad if we didn’t.’
‘We hate the violin, we hate practising it, and there is no way we will ever do this again unless you force us to.’
Fortunately, now the situation is much easier to take. I have managed to retire the usual suspects–those authoritarian reasons that parents trot out when they want to get their kids to do something their kids see no reason to do whatsoever, including:
‘We paid the money for these lessons and we don’t have money to waste on lessons you don’t attend.’
‘Once you make a commitment for something like music lessons, you have to at least complete the first year or else we may not sign you up for anything ever again.’
‘We really don’t like quitters around here.’
Or, their favourite–the full-frontal Drill Sergeant
‘You will practice your violin and you will do it NOW!’
This authoritarian approach works remarkably poorly with our boys. Being twins growing up in a permissive family, they often gang up on their parents and freely express their derision of our parental authority. They are completely willing to live in a world where adult demands are a hazy concept that really need not concern them:
‘We don’t need you because we have each other!’
We frequently attempt to shift the balance of power over in our direction but this can be painfully ineffectual when done in the typical control-and-command manner.
The most effective approach is to plant the virus in their heads that their interests actually coincide with their parents’ interests. This type of magical thinking goes something like this:
‘If you practice the violin then everyone wins!’ [which in the great scheme of things is actually true]
‘How many kids can read music at your age? You guys are so lucky!’
‘I heard some violins at a concert last night and I was amazed how well the musicians played! You guys would have really enjoyed it.’
You really can’t force a child to have a genuine interest in a musical instrument. You have to lead them to that goal indirectly.
In the long run you have to think up reasons why they might like to pursue this activity on their own volition. For example: because it is fun; because you can perform to admiring crowds; because it sounds really cool to hear dozen of other kids play violin at the same time; because some really cool people play violin [e.g. Ashley MacIsaac, Stephane Grappelli, and Itzhak Perlman]; because the violin is the sweetest-sounding little instrument in the world and it’s been around relatively unchanged for hundred of years.
Now, especially after their performance successes, it is mostly smooth sailing for all of us. The boys practice right after school without complaint. There are no more metaphysical discussions about the legitimacy of authority in parent-child relationships, or the meaning of discipline in a decentralized, post-modern world. Leading graduate seminars with ten year olds is not all it’s cracked up to be.
Now it is more about playing notes with the correct pitch, playing the score as it’s written, and trying to create the sweetest tone with the bow.
